


Run Away

by lipservice (thescariestadverbs)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 21:03:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thescariestadverbs/pseuds/lipservice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t heal you,” he whispers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run Away

_"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend" she said _  
 _And you can hear it in my whispered cries for love_  
 _I need your blissful touch to carry me away again_  
 _So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just...___

_Run away, run away tonight_  
 _It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it’s wrong or right_  
 _We can just run away, run away tonight_  
 _It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it’s wrong or right_  
 _Live – Run Away_

I step into the bathroom and shut the door. Sam and Cas are arguing in the other room, Sam wants to go back, Cas says it’s a suicide mission. They’re so wrapped up neither of them noticed the blood seeping through my shirt. My shoulder feels like someone took a meat tenderizer to it. It takes a minute to ease my jacket off so I can get a better look it. It’s not really bleeding anymore but it’s going to hurt for a few days.

And my shirt is ruined. I sigh, mentally calculating how much money we have and how much money we need, knowing already we don’t have enough. I can’t afford another shirt. I put the toilet lid down and start the water. The sink is surprisingly clean for the cost of the motel. Might be because we have downgraded to one bedroom and rotate who gets the bed. I start to scrub the shirt with the bar of soap on the counter when I hear the door slam. Someone’s temper has gotten away with them. 

“Dean, are you in there?” Cas knocks on the door. Must have been Sam who stormed out. He’s all sharp angles and sharper tempers these days, ready to jump in head first without thinking of the consequences. 

Before I can answer the door opens slowly and Cas walks into the bathroom. He looks at my shoulder first and swears. Cas doesn’t swear often but he’s already worked up from fighting with Sam. “Were you going to tell me about this?” He touches my shoulder and there is a jolt to my core, my shoulder always burns when he touches me. For him, though, I think it’s just a reminder that he can’t heal me anymore. 

“Doesn’t hurt,” I say, focusing on the shirt. The water running from it is still pink. It’s almost completely shredded around the shoulder. I grab the soap again. It needs more soap. 

Castiel swears again and leaves the bathroom. He returns with the first aid kit from the back of the car. “You should have told us you were hurt,” he says, “this looks bad.” 

“Do you have a patch for my shirt?” I ask him. I’m holding up the shoulder of the shirt. I wanted this shirt to last a few weeks at least. I mean really, the three of us have slept in my car a lot lately, how am I supposed to buy a new shirt? 

He’s busy trying to clean my shoulder so I ask him again. I tell him we should have had some patches in the trunk. “You’re worried about your shirt? Have you even looked at your shoulder?”

Not really. I stand up so I can see myself in the small mirror. The whole left side of my chest is bloody, my shoulder is raw and ripped. For a second I wonder how I got my coat and shirt off. No wonder my shirt is so bloody. I pick it up and start to scrub it under the water again. Still pink. Cas pushes me back down into a sitting position and goes back to cleaning my shoulder. 

“It’ll heal.” I tell him.

“I can’t heal you,” he whispers as he starts to tape the gauze to my chest, “You’re on your own this time.” He lets his hand linger on my chest for a second, covering the scar on my soul and I can feel him in every bone of my body. Maybe he can’t heal me the way he wants to. What were we thinking, bringing him into all of this? It’s so easy to forget that he is human now. He could have gone off, had a normal life. I’ve been so damn selfish.

“Maybe you should take a break from that,” he calls from the other room, “Come watch some TV or something.” The water is still pink, or at least I think it is, but maybe he is right. I hang the shirt over the shower curtain rod and head out into the main room. He is sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.  
I think about reaching out to comfort him. “Maybe it’s time for you to do something different,” I say softly, “You could get a job or get married or something.” You could live. 

“I could what?” Castiel stutters a bit, “Get married?” His expression is blank but his eyes are dancing with fire. “So just because I am human now you don’t need me? You just think I can’t handle this because I’m human? You’re human too, I’m pressed to remind you.”

I sigh, “I don’t want you to get hurt.” I don’t want you to die. 

“Is that so? Which one of us managed to get hurt tonight, Dean?” I hate the way he says my name when he’s angry. His voice is cold and condescending, “Which one of us was busy washing a two dollar t-shirt while bleeding to death in the bathroom?”

“My arm is fine. Maybe if I wasn’t trying so hard to protect you every time we go out this wouldn’t have happened.” I’m shouting back now, “You aren’t an angel anymore, Castiel. You haven’t been doing this as long as we have. You haven’t seen what we have.”

_"Looks like I've lost my will to carry on, my friend" she said_  
 _I'm like a posse that's been ridin' for days_  
 _I've got the scars to prove that love has had its day and it's way with me_  
 _So can we roll tonight, roll through your desert, can we start over and just..._  
 _Live – Run Away_

He stands up, eyes blazing, and walks over to me. He’s close enough I can feel the heat as his rage bubbles over. “You think that you were just some guy in hell I was told to save, don’t you, Dean? You think I just came along that day and pulled you up. I’ve been watching you your whole life.” His voice is quivering, “I’ve seen it all, Dean. I’ve walked beside you your whole life.” 

I reach up and brush a stray hair out of his eyes. His expression doesn’t change. I let my hand fall back to my side. “I need to wash my shirt,” I say. I turn to go but he grabs my wrist. He pulls me to him and I feel his mouth on mine. His kiss is soft and urgent. He pulls away but doesn’t let go of my wrist.  
“Dean, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” 

I can still taste him on my lips. I pull my hand free and grab the back of his neck. I kiss him hard. I place my other hand on his waist, pulling his shirt from his pants until I can get my hand underneath it and feel his skin. I all but growl at his warmth and the hard muscle beneath it. He moans softly against my mouth and places both his hands on my bare back. 

I walk him backwards slowly until we are against the bed. I break the kiss and start pulling at his jacket, his tie, his shirt. He’s panting and trying to help me undress him. I’m ready to rip his shirt to shreds when he finally gets it undone. I start kissing his neck as I lay him on the bed. He says my name breathlessly and I feel it down to the core. I don’t think I’ve ever been this hard before. 

I can feel his hands on my back as I kiss down his chest. I don’t mean to rush, I don’t want to rush but I just need to feel him so damn bad. I come to his belt and start pulling it apart when he whimpers. I’m surprised I don’t come from that sound alone. I slow my pace, smiling at him as I pull his pants down his legs. He’s frustrated, and rightly so.

“Dean, I swear to God if you don’t…” he finishes his sentence with a moan as I take him in my mouth. 

It’s a tease really, because I don’t stay there long. He’s breathing hard and heavy when I kiss him again. I can feel his hands at my waist, and he definitely doesn’t take his time pushing the rest of my clothing out of the way. 

I’ve never felt anything like the feeling of Cas’s skin against mine. I’m nervous all of a sudden. What was I thinking, starting this? God, he just tastes so damn good. I can feel his body arching against me and I’m trying too hard not to lose control. 

“Cas,” I struggle to speak, “Cas, we don’t have to do this.” But if we stop now I don’t think I’ll ever recover. I just need him to tell me it’s okay, that he wants this.  
We’re both at the edge, hyper sexed and panting, staring at each other. I can feel his hand on me, moving slowly. He doesn’t stop when I tell him we don’t have to. He just kisses me, hard. I wonder for a second if that really is his answer but the thought is quickly pushed out of my mind. My shoulder is throbbing as I slide inside him. 

Does my shoulder hurt because I hurt it earlier or from being so close to Cas? For the first time in my life I feel at home. I’m kissing him and feeling him and I feel whole. I feel like there is nowhere else in the world I belong. He’s calling my name and I’m losing control. 

I lay down beside him after. I focus on slowing down my heart rate and breathing normally. What do I say? 

He smiles at me.

I smile back. What do I say? Should I tell him it doesn’t have to happen again? I think I would die if it never happened again. I sit up on the edge of the bed and place my head in my hands. Could we really do this though? What about Sam?

I feel Cas sit up beside me and he places his hand on my shoulder, “We don’t need to talk about this tonight.” He says gently, “It’s a lot to take in.” 

There is this feeling in the pit of my stomach. We both know there is no happy ending here. We are lucky we have made it this far. So is that a reason to stop? Or a reason to give this everything I’ve got? Is this a reason to keep fighting? To run away from all of this and start over?

Castiel stands up and walks over to the bathroom. I lose my train of thought when I see him walk across the room. He’s so fucking beautiful. I could just lose my mind staring at him. He comes back with the first aid kit and starts to re-bandage my shoulder. “You should probably lay down, you have lost a lot of blood tonight,” he tells me. He hands me my boxers and one of Sam’s shirts. 

I watch him as he dresses and sets up the cot on the floor. I can’t help but be in awe of him. I never really thought about how much he lost when he fell from grace. “Why did you stay?”

He stops for a second, thinking of an answer I guess, “I couldn’t leave.”

“What do you mean?”

He sits on the edge of the bed again, “I just couldn’t leave you.”

I pull him down beside me, letting him rest his head on my chest. I suppose we will have some explaining to do in the morning but for now I just hold him. 

_Run away, run away tonight_  
 _It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it’s wrong or right_  
 _We can just run away, run away tonight_  
 _It aint no victory but I don't care, I don't care if it’s wrong or right_  
 _Live – Run Away_

-lipservice


End file.
